How to toughen up your boyfriend in 12 days

Ever look at your handsome sidekick and think, “man, he’s fantastic but I bet I could really toughen him up to perfection”? While many women may think this task is too daunting, or too out of reach, I’m here to tell you, it’s NOT. In my one-step program, I unlock the secret to MANLINESS. Sheer, rugged manliness in its purest form.

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MAN. ALL MAN.*

Now, I know all you ladies are getting excited and can’t wait to learn what the one-step is… but I must warn you: don’t take this program lightly and consider the consequences. For it is effective. If you’re satisfied with your man just the way he is, stop reading right now. Go home and love him and cherish every bit of your unique snowflake. But for those looking to toughen things up a bit… I’m here for you.

Now that we have all the disclaimers out of the way and you know the risks, I’m ready to share my secret.

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Buy, and apply (liberally), cool spray sunscreen.

That’s it! For the low cost of one can of sunscreen, you too, can have your very own Tommy Tough Nuts.

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Known to break down a man and rebuild him stronger than when you found him.

There is no *moderation* here. You dive into that glacial spray and you dive in FAST. Be sure to spray the obliques (twice) and right down his spine for maximum effectiveness. Oh, he’ll squirm all right and he’ll chastise you for buying the “cool” spray but secretly, he knows you’re making him a stronger man. Some day, he just might thank you for it. After all, he did help you find the badass woman inside yourself (and you DO have a sense of humor, right, ladies?), it’s time to return the favor!

Don’t believe me? Think this sounds too good to be true? Trust me, 12 days ago, I would have been just as incredulous, but I’m here to tell you, this program is the real deal. It works! Here are the real life results I experienced in just 12 days. With just a few liberal doses of cooling sunscreen, Colin is as good as new!

BEFORE:

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Oh, this just won’t do…

AFTER:

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Muuuuuch better – and protected from the sun too!

 

*Disclaimer: This program cannot guarantee Chris Hemsworth level results. He is part-God, after all.

Author: Lisa

Over one year in van life and loving it. Hiker, rock climber, novice mountain biker, and professional napper. Official “documenter” of our time with Vaniel. Favorite podcast: Stuff You Should Know.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Christina S. says:

    Ha! Love it. It would be a MIRACLE if I could get Chris to wear sunscreen.

  2. John Lindstrom says:

    You are hilarious!

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